Deeper

Psalm 42:7
Deep calls unto deep at the noise of Your waterfalls;
All Your waves and billows have gone over me.

II Corinthians 3:17-18
[speaking of new covenant before these verses]
Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.

These two pasages speak a lot to me of my time thus far here at Teen Mania. I guess, they carry a piece of my heart really.

The first one, Psalm 42:7, was one Shannon used for core one night. She used it to talk of how God is calling us deeper into Him than we even begin to understand, and we cannot be ones to sit back and just dip our toes in the water. We have to be ones that are willing to just jump in and go for it as He is calling us deeper. We cannot just stand on the edge of the diving borad and star down at the water hoping it will get closer, we have to jump off it.

Then there is II cornithians 3:17-18. I have learned a lot about freedom in the Lord this year. Like, freedom from free mainly. Yeah, I am not really sure what more to say there. However, I do have more to say about the end of those verses. (And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.) Really you should just read the whole chapter.

This is something I have been learning about this year, how we grow. Yes, I knew it was from time with God, but how we go from glory to glory. It is not something that just happens over night (though I often wish it did) and there seem to be this thing of pain between the glories. Like you grow a lot in the Lord and it is very evident, then there is a time of being stretched and it is harder to see anything happening, then you come to another place where you can see that you have grown in Christ likeness again. Knowing we will never be perfect, but striving toward Christ dispite it. Like this cool quote by GS Megaphone:

I have not noticed God to demand perfection of those He is able to use. I have observed, however, that those used by God, were not content with their present state of imperfection.

I am bad about thinking I have to have everything strait before I go to God, but that is not the point. He is the one changing me, otherwise it would never get done.

First time in Colorado this year

Yep, I am in Colorado for the first time this year. That really seems like such an odd thought after living in Colorado from the time I was seven. I got to see snow, not touch, but see not far off from the road as my dad was driving me home form the airport.

It was cool to spend time with my dad after he picked me up form the airport. He was the only one that came because Joanie did not feel well and Julie has pneumonia :( . I don't even remember what all we talked about as we drove and had lunch together.

Then when I came home I was really popular. You know, how everyone wants to ketch up with you all at once. It can be a little overwhelming, but it makes you feel special too.

Last night I got to talk at my parents small group about some of what I have been doing at Teen Mania. One of the hardest things was not using acronyms all the time, like: CA, RD, AP, LTE, GE, ATF, ACA, LD, and so on (really I could go on forever, we have, I am sure, at least a hundred). It was really good, not just to let them know more so what I have been up to and a little of how I have been growing, but also for me to see that they cared more than I thought. Also, I got to see how much I have grown in the area of talking in front of groups. I mean, I talked for quite a while and answered several questions of theirs, and I was okay with that. I can remember a time when the thought of talking made me feel sick to my stomach!

Anyways, it has been good to see my family, even though I am sad that I did not get see Jennifer too. Yet, I think Jennifer's time in France is going to be so good for her. I cannot wait to hear tones about it when she gets back and I can call her. So, knowing the trip sounds as though it will be really good for her, that is an okay reason for me to miss seeing her this trip home.

On a totally different note, I feel like my blog needs to change. Like how much and what I write. It has not been consistent nor that great, I will admit. Also, I really feel like it has not been reflecting my time here at TM well. So much has gone on these past eight months, and my blog does not really show that, like at all. I am going to try to work on that some. At the same time, I am super busy and the summer only gets worse, so I may not be able to post as much as I would like to.

Quiz Joanie had me take

Advanced Global Personality Test Results Extraversion 36% Stability 73% Orderliness 80% Accommodation 50% Interdependence 36% Intellectual 63% Mystical 83% Artistic 76% Religious 90% Hedonism 16% Materialism 23% Narcissism 63% Adventurousness 63% Work ethic 76% Self absorbed 36% Conflict seeking 43% Need to dominate 50% Romantic 43% Avoidant 56% Anti-authority 30% Wealth 10% Dependency 43% Change averse 36% Cautiousness 76% Individuality 70% Sexuality 56% Peter pan complex 43% Physical security 23% Physical Fitness 84% Histrionic 36% Paranoia 63% Vanity 30% Hypersensitivity 36% Female cliche 56%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

I think it is not fully true, but it was funny taking it.

Back to campus

I am back to Teen Mania now, and I have a million things to ketch up on! Home work, classes on line to listen to, reading, and then I leave again Wednesday. It is all madness.

It has been good to be back as well. I love me core and the people here, they have been so awesome.

Emergency leave

I am going to be leaving on emergency leave tomorrow. It will be nice to see my family -- that is all but Jennifer whom is in France -- but it would be nicer to see them for a different reason.

HA work day

I had my first HA work day to prepare for the summer madness today. My job, poison ivy crew. Just the name could send chills up some spines.

So, we went out with machete and trash bags hacking and bagging the three leafed little villains. Out in the hot Texas sun in long sleeved shirts, pants and gloves. But oh my, the machete were so fun to use.

Grandma Joyce

Today while I was at work, I got a phone call. Holly picked up the phone to find it was the guard booth. She then told me that she was going to be talking to my mum in just a moment. My first thought was that it was odd my mother would call Holly. Then my thoughts quickly changed to, 'Oh, crum! What has gone wrong?' After all, way else would she be calling me while I was at work. I soon found out.

Before Holly gave me the phone, my mum talked to her and I could see her face sinking. She then handed the phone to me with simpathy in her eyes. Grandma Joyce died last night.

Once I got off the phone, after hugging me, Holly told me I could just leave work then and go on a walk before class.

Needless to say, my day has not been easy.

Mountains High

Sorrow came to visit us today
Was the longest day, was the loneliest day
Sorrow came to steal our hope away
Only tears can tell
Of this holy hour

This mountain’s high, too high for us
This mountain’s high, too high for us

Sorrow came quicker than a fire
Was the longest day, was the loneliest day
I feel your hand, the warmth, your sweetest smile
But you slipped away, through the great divide

This mountain’s high, too high for us
This mountain’s high, too high for us

Your ways are high, too high for us
Your ways are high, too high for us

Written by Martin Smith

Truly old

I wanted to let you all know, I am now truly old and wise.
What is that? "Why?" you ask.
Well, let me tell you...
I found my first white hair last night.
Yep, I am now fully full of wisdom and oldness.

**turns and laughs**

I plucked it and taped it in my journal.

New core pictures

We took core pictures again last Sunday. Sadly Alizabeth was not able to make it, but here is a link to them:
Core Pictures

A night in the caff

Yet, another day in the Teen Mania Cafiteria during the first wave of dinner. The adjoining rooms filled with mostly callers, which makes up the largest part of the ministry. With the Interns, GI’s, and staff members peacefully enjoying their meals--different freinds having meetings here or there, talking about God, sharing their weekend plans, speaking of under ground clubs here on campus like the trialor club or cheese club. They are walking through the line just like any other night, getting their food and water, looking for a place to sit with their friends. As if this were just any other night, with nothing new. Unaware, that someone is watching them.

Now, at this very moment, someone is waiting to see what they will do next, what plans they are making, whose Brithday it is. Little do they know just how much the eyes have seen and the ears have heard--going to their aunts and uncles, home, Aaron’s Brithday, blessings over a family core, John asking if they need anything. The eyes have seen them and watched them for some time now. They know how they relate to each other. Normally with love and kindness and consern.

An Intern bends over to check their mail, only to turn away sadly as they begin to leave. How dependent they must be on others and most of all God, to stay in the real of the unseen eyes. Longing, waiting, another twist of a key, heart beating, hope rising. How much longer will they be here? As long as they trust.

A young girl balencing on the line between an adult and a child, greets her friends eagerly, longing inside to know what they think of her, how they see her. This fine line on which she stands is so thin. Yet, those who never get off of it for fear, though they age, suppose she is not there yet. The young girl strives for their aproval, hope, dreams that last. May the life yet last in her.

Hair net rested upon his head, as it is almost every night, he makes a gesture with his hand as he asks if he can take anything for those he is serving. Yet, another night they see him walk by. How do they feel about him? Here, do they see past all that? Even the eyes do not know.

Yet, another RD walks through, those around him stir. The respect in their eyes is evedent, but also the fear. Some straighten up in their seets, while others shift and slump slower into their chairs. Then there are those that watch, trying not to seem like they are, longing to make every move of theirs, just like the RD that walked past. In wonder, at how they got to where they are now.

Among the bustling of the students, you could hear the sound of chains. A Young man walks by with a gentle look in his eyes. The chains he wears are for his brothren. He sees the chains on their hearts -- fear of man, complacency, apathy -- he longs to see them set free. With bruises on his knees and clinched hands, he cries out for them, day and night he cries and hopes his chains remind them of theirs. Perhaps it will put a deeper longing in their hearts for truth, for feedom. If not, at least they know.

UPG

Air being foursed through my lunges as quick and deep as I could get it, I ran to the government. Even before these "Christians" from America had ever come, they had warned me about them. Why had my tribe not listened? Now my tribe was being torn apart for some foreign God that they say is the "only way".

Last weekend, was the UPG, or the Unreached People Group LTE. This is where interns go into the back fourty and are split into two groups. There are some tha tare missionaries and some ar etribal people (tribal people have to make up a lanuage and they have a culture to live by). I, was a tribal person.

At times, it was hard to be a tribal person. While I was role playing, I was doing what a tribal person might have when finding that members or your tribe were becoming Christians, I rated them out to the government. I had to fight with myself at one point because it felt wrong turning them in. Yet, I had to try and do what I thought an unsaved tribal person might.

Along with it being a challenge to run and turn my missionaries in, another thing I found very hard was to not fill in the blanks for my missionaries. There were things they had not told me about this "Prince" and still so many questions of mine that remained unanswered from the weekend. Yet, in my head, I really knew the answers and had to go solely by what the missionaries had told me to make the picture of Jesus in my head.

One thing I really learned from this weekend, other than making sure you do your best to give the complete story of Jesus, was to pursue those you are reaching out to with love and a servants heart. There was one of our missionaries that gathered wood for over an hour at my chiefs bidding and would really try to reach out, learn our language, and talk to us about the Gospel. He won the heart of my tribe in a way that the other missionaries did not. By serving us and showing his love for us that way, we became willing to listen to what he had to say.

If you are not reaching out in love, it is wasted.

Sadly, I never converted and basically left my tribe because most of them had. Then I got to come back to America and be Jacki again instead of Nuware. It is so nice not to be lost, even if things are still a mess at times.